how to be totally awesome

• turn oven on to get ready for dinner. forget that it is on and dont fix dinner
  
• leave your trash bags on the porch for at least 24 hours so they stink up the whole stairwell
  
• dont put a new bag in the trash can, but still put trash in it
• never iron
  
• run out of food that your husband would eat and then go shopping for more things he WONT eat
  
• mac and cheese three times a week
  
• cut, organize and obsess over coupons, then let them expire
  
• make a plan to eat less and move more, then immediately eat more and move less
  
• leave yourself notes reminding to send "thank yous" for something that occured almost 5 months ago and keep telling yourself you'll do it tomorrow
• read dozens of informational books and not apply a single word of advice to your life but be sure to tell everyone about what you have read
• leave your cell and wallet everywhere and never know exactly where it is
• if you send birthday cards make sure they are very late or very very early
• stains and missing buttons
• weeds
• typos
• always forget at least one thing when leaving the house
• put at least eight holes in the wall to hang one picture
• never return phone calls

are you awesome?